The Sanctuary of Family
I’m sitting in my mom’s condo on Hutchinson Island in Florida as I write today. My sister and I gathered to celebrate her birthday and have some time together.
Between COVID and then Hurricane Ian, I have never been more intensely aware of the fragility of life. How many more birthdays will we celebrate together? Well, in truth, based on the longevity in my mom’s family, we’ll probably be doing this until she’s about 115, so perhaps I’m being overly sentimental. But am I? My instincts say no.
By the way, if you are reading this on November 20, you can join me in saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA! Love you (insert dance party here)!!!!
But, as the holidays arrive this week with Thanksgiving here in the US, I am aware that not everyone finds sanctuary within the construct of their birth family (if they even have one still living). I am aware that for some, the holidays are insanely stressful and the gatherings can be a source of angst and frustration. But I’ve been considering the feeling of safety and that of being seen and recognized that can happen within groups of people, whether it is a blood family or more of a chosen family of the heart. This can be even found (for those of us lucky enough), in the place that we work, or worship or come to serve our neighbors and community. So it is with this expanded definition of family in mind that I write this post.
It’s the holidays. It’s been a stressful year in an entire string of stressful years. I know for myself, I’d like to find some relief, some joy and some connection with people I love over the next couple of months. How can we do that? To me it always comes back to the experience of sanctuary — peace around me that inspires peace inside me. That sacred place of peace, balance and harmony where I can breathe more deeply and remember the person — the spiritual being — that I truly am.
For those of us celebrating Thanksgiving with a shared meal this coming week, simply coming together in someone’s home can have moments of sanctuary. We’re preparing our space for guests or visiting someone else’s space that they have prepared for us. There is a lot of intention involved and recognizing it is a beautiful experience.
If a meal is being prepared, there is energy and intention going into the procurement and making of the food.
There is love shared in the setting of the table and in each and every morsel consumed.
In a perfect world, there can be that feeling of homecoming where we can sit back and enjoy the laughter and conversation — the sharing of old stories, plans, dreams and concerns — around the table.
And while I know that not everyone has this exact experience, there can be other moments of sharing an impromptu meeting around a table with friends or even a Friends-Giving where we gather and commune to have a few, joy-filled moments.
Getting together around the holidays commemorates traditions and gives us a chance to express gratitude for the many blessings that have come our way in the past year. For me this year, I am crazy grateful that our home and design studio survived the hurricane. I’m so glad that my family is alive and able to be together to break bread and give me a chance to make my world famous turkey gravy. I’m appreciating that the message of sanctuary just keeps getting more and more clear, as well and more and more relevant!
Gratitude, as you probably already know, is foundational to a daily practice of sanctuary. It’s the anti-venom for resentment, frustration and unhappiness. So. Damn. Powerful.
So what are the opportunities (and perhaps challenges) that applying the philosophy of sanctuary brings us during the holidays?
Showing up fully, with our entire being, to the moment at hand — that holiday moment at hand. That is our opportunity.
We are able to be open to the best possibility of actually enjoying ourselves and connecting with the people around us. In the acceptance of WHAT IS, therein lies the essence of sanctuary, fueled by the power of gratitude.
And maybe, just maybe, by showing up with our own sense of peace, equilibrium, love and acceptance to every gathering, we bring sanctuary and share it with everyone around us. We are the light we want to see and feel. That, my dear sanctuary loves, is the power of sanctuary in action.
Sending you love, gratitude (and courage),
Lisa
