Permission to relax—granted!
Guilt is such a funny animal.Where does it come from? Why is it so hard to shake?I am packing for a vacation next week with my family. As I write that, it sounds so simple, so fun. But to be honest, as much as I want to go and unplug for a week, I am besieged with worry, stress over what isn’t done and yes, you guessed it, GUILT. Can I leave my firm for those days? My clients? The projects that aren’t finished?Bah.So here I sit at my desk, in my sanctuary, where I sit every night. I lit a couple of candles, poured myself a delicious cocktail and decided to try to make sense of it all. I thought about an article I read last week in about how addicted we’ve become to being plugged-in all the time. How we identify ourselves by how busy we think are. Think of how many times, whenever someone asks how you are, that you say “BUSY!” I am struck with what a poor measure of how we are that this word actually is.The next time someone asks me how I am, I want to tell them something more true. Something more authentic and illustrative. So I think I’ll try out some different words like ‘bemused’, ‘jocular’, ‘loquacious’ or maybe ‘effulgent’. Yes, I realize they may not know what I am talking about. But I really am all of those things — humored, talkative, radiating with light. I love using words that don’t get used all that often. And I think the word ‘busy’ may well be the most overused word in our language. That’s saying something because we have other overused, nearly meaningless words like ‘whatever,’ ‘awesome,’ and ‘seriously.’I’m laughing because I actually looked up the list of most overused words for 2018 to find those. My favorite was ‘totes.’ Yep. Still laughing.But back to the guilt. Back to the sorting out. Why do I feel guilty about going away? This is not a one-time thing for me. I struggle with this almost every time I go on an actual vacation. It actually explains why I rarely do. I tolerate business trips until my head spins. Could it be that when I’m traveling on business I am...BUSY?!So you can see that I too have been bitten by the addiction and illusion of busyness. I think it numbs me to possibility of joy at times.How am I going to get past this? I have a (maybe) once-in-a-lifetime chance to go with my kids and husband to the beautiful country of Costa Rica. I’ve never been there. My kids are finally of an age where they actually LIKE ME (although one can never be sure) and thankfully, so does my husband. My staff knows that I’m going. I bought a new journal, new flip flops and a fresh data card for my camera — I’m all set. All set except for in my own mind. In my own heart.Sitting here in this sanctuary space of mine, watching the flickering candlelight and listening to soft music, it strikes me that it’s time to give myself permission. And that the anti-venom for guilt is permission to relax and flow. My guilt is tearing up and trembling as I type that. PERMISSION TO RELAX AND FLOW. Oh now it’s whining out loud. Be gone, oh guilt of mine.So yes, I’m going to let that old man guilt go. I know on an intellectual level that I need this break, that I’m allowed to cut the cord for a few days. I know it will feed my spirit, my creativity, my sense of equanimity. It will feed my sense of sanctuary because yes — you guessed it — my actually sanctuary is always with(in) me.What do YOU do to assuage your feelings of guilt and overly developed sense of responsibility? I’d love to hear. Tell me in the comments below. And if you have a minute, send me courage and fortitude to continue to dispel my old nemesis. I figure maybe you know him too.With love,Lisa